but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
