I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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