U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
