what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
