I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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