So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
