there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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