what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
