My hair reeks of homosexuality.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just had sex on a roof
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
