all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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