you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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