Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
