They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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