haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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