My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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