i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Life is so much better after having sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
