K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
