Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
