ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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