Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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