Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
