If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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