I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
