you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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