Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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