Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
