Pants 0. Shit 1.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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