So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
