Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
