I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
