I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you made out with another girl for some wings
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
