rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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