That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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