he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
