I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
