Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
