she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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