Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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