my shit smells like andre
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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