Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
