hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
