Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
