Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
either way he was missing a nipple.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
