Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize