I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
