I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
