I wanna passion pit in your ass
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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