He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
