is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
