If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
