just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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