I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
