I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
