I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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