That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
