i think my tv is drunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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