atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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