I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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