Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
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Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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