Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
