We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize