I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
