It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
