I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
