Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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