mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
