Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
