Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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