i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
