How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
