what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
