I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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