Can i not drive my cunt home
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
