i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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