i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
