Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
