Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
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If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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