THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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