I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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