No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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